Our journey as dads is an incredible one. We never thought this was actually going to happen, for us being parents is a dream come true.
Adoption was always at the top of our list being a same sex couple wanting to start a family. At the start we didn’t know what was entailed, but we kept an open mind. Once we completed all the prerequisites, we were placed on a waitlist.
We were in shock when just three weeks later we had a consult call, were selected, and a match meeting was planned. Unfortunately, when we were on our way to the meeting we were informed the birth mother changed her mind. The months went on and we had several more consultation calls, none of which came to fruition.
Then, after 11 months, in December 2017 we got a call saying we had been matched for an instant placement. The birth mother was being induced the next day. A couple days later we were at the hospital holding our son, who was just a few hours old.
It was a life changing moment for us. It’s hard to explain–how can you feel so much joy, love and excitement but be so sad, knowing the sacrifice that has been made. For all intents and purposes, this was a closed adoption as no contact with the birth family was requested. Which at that time was fine with us.
We’ve always shared with our son that he is adopted and age appropriate details of how and why that happened. As he continues to grow he has many questions about his biological background, all of which we can’t answer, which is heartbreaking. It’s at this point that we truly realize the importance of open adoption. We’d do anything to reconnect with our son’s biological family now.
A year after adopting our son we knew we wanted more children so we began the process again. Months later we were once again on the waitlist. The years went rolling by, we had some consult calls but nothing came of them. We found the wait long and difficult this time.
We’re now in year four and we receive another consult call, only this time, we were selected. We met the couple and they were amazing, we fell in love with them. The baby’s due date was a few months away so we had lots of time to talk and be together. Once the baby was born, we were told that the parents had changed their mind. We were crushed, the sorrow we felt was so raw. We will never forget that call for the rest of our lives.
We decided to be placed back on the list, we’d waited all this time and despite a huge loss we weren’t ready to toss in the towel just yet.
Then in year five, May 2023, we received a consult call and were told later that same day we had been selected. In just seven days we would welcome a seven-month-old boy to our family.
Our soon to be son was in the foster care system, navigating the actual adoption and transition was extremely complex. The placement was also quite emotional as it involved foster parents, biological parents and extended family. While we were filled with joy our hearts hurt as well. Placing a child is a courageous act and one of true selflessness, made out of love.
Navigating an older baby and a very excited big brother took several months, but we figured it out in the end. We cherish being dads, it’s the greatest gift we have ever received, and one we will never take for granted.
Stephen and Adam