At this point in my life, I was a single mom of toddler twins, working two jobs. So, when I found out I was pregnant again, I felt completely lost and scared. I didn’t know what to do. Almost instinctively, I started researching adoption and came across Adoption Options. I wasn’t sure if this was something I truly wanted; it all felt surreal, I was in shock. Honestly, I knew nothing about adoption at the time.
After my first appointment with Adoption Options, I went home and pushed everything out of my mind. I stopped thinking about it altogether. Instead, I slipped into a deep depression. I shut down emotionally. I wouldn’t talk to anyone—not about the pregnancy, not about adoption, not about the baby. I think part of me didn’t even want to acknowledge that there was a little life growing inside me. It was easier to pretend it wasn’t happening than to face the choices I had to make.
It wasn’t until I finally opened up to my friends and family that something began to shift. Their support gave me the strength to return to Adoption Options—this time with a more open heart. Through that process, I came to realize that open adoption might be the best path forward—for both me and the baby. It offered a way to stay connected while giving my child a life I wasn’t sure I could provide at the time. Going through the process of picking a family and meeting the potential adoptive parents actually went pretty smoothly. But if there’s one thing I would strongly recommend, it’s this: don’t go through it alone. Get support wherever you can. The adoption agency provided resources and support, but what truly helped me—mentally and emotionally—was opening up to close friends and family. Their presence grounded me in moments when everything felt overwhelming.
Once the family was chosen, things started to feel more real. For me, it helped to be as open and honest as possible with them. If I had a difficult question or even a passing thought, I shared it. That transparency made a huge difference. I came to realize that I wasn’t the only one feeling heavy emotions—the adoptive parents were going through their own journey, too. That mutual understanding created a sense of connection and trust.
One of the biggest lessons I learned during this time was to allow myself to grieve. I honestly didn’t expect that grief would be part of the adoption process. But it was. And that’s okay. It’s a loss, even when it’s a choice made from love. I had to give myself permission to feel it—to cry, to question, to sit in the sadness when it came. That grief doesn’t mean I made the wrong decision; it just means I’m human, and my love runs deep. Growing up, my understanding of adoption was shaped by the things I heard—like “all adoptions are closed,” or “mothers place their babies for adoption because they don’t love them.” These ideas couldn’t be further from the truth.
What I’ve come to understand is that every adoption story is unique. Some may share similarities, but no two are the same. Every decision comes from a deeply personal place, often filled with love, fear, and hope. What I’ve learned from this beautiful, yet terrifying time in my life—and what I hope others take away if they’re considering adoption—is this: adoption can be both heartbreaking and healing at the same time. But with the right support and education, it can also become one of the most meaningful gifts in someone’s life.
This precious little human didn’t just gain a new family—she gained an extended family. A circle of love that now includes not just her adoptive parents, but me, and my twins, too. Since giving birth and placing her with her parents, we’ve stayed connected. We’ve had FaceTime calls, shared picnics and dinners, and received regular updates and photos. That ongoing relationship brings comfort, joy, and a sense of peace—for all of us.
Shaylaine Cooper