I thought if I were to get pregnant there were two options, you have the baby and you keep it, or you have an abortion. Soon I could be attending my child’s first birthday party, even though being a mother wasn’t ever part of my plans. It was crazy to learn after taking the first pregnancy test of my life, during an abortion appointment, that I was eight months pregnant.
My pregnancy journey
My boyfriend and I were using protection, and I wasn’t expecting to have kids. I workout quite often and started taking supplements, and what I thought was a constipation issue was my only pregnancy symptom. I decided to book a doctor’s appointment, but first I thought I should check off all the boxes, so I took a pregnancy test, the first I’ve ever taken in my life, and I should have known because it instantly changed to show I was pregnant.
So, I made an appointment to get an abortion because I thought I was only a couple of weeks along, because I had had my period the month before. I got there and they do an ultrasound before your appointment. As she’s doing the ultrasound she’s not saying anything to me, and I just kept seeing her eyebrows go higher and higher and higher. I started to freak out a little bit. So, I’m like, maybe I’m not pregnant. Eventually she got somebody else and then they both agreed after about 15 minutes that they thought I was eight months pregnant. I was like, no, that can’t be right I just had my period last month, and I’ve actually lost weight a little bit like there’s no other symptoms of being pregnant. I wasn’t expecting that news, and I was so far along that it changed the course of plans.
Choosing adoption
As soon as I called Adoption Options, I immediately felt so much better, and it became a wonderful journey for me.
I was really, I was panicked, I was like, oh, I haven’t had any doctor’s appointments. How is this going to go? And are they going to be upset. Instead, my social worker guided me through the process, it wasn’t very stressful. We got things done, but I didn’t feel like it was too much at any point, it was very easy.
Something that freaked me out when I first heard about adoption was I thought there would be a list of people who are waiting and I would go to the hospital, I’d give birth and our baby would be given over and we’d maybe get a phone call or letter from somebody 18 years later saying ‘Hey, I think your my mom,’ but I didn’t realize what an open adoption was. My social worker asked us for filters, or what we were looking for in a family, before giving us several folders of potential placement families. Then we found this amazing file and we were like, this is the one, and we’re so happy with who she’s ended up with now.
Post adoption plans
It’s kind of crazy, we didn’t even really get a chance to do our hospital plan, and talk boundaries with them, because I met with them on Saturday, and everything went really, really well. Then we were supposed to the next week, make a hospital plan with them and then talk about moving forward what was going to happen. But I went into labour the next day after we met them, and so it’s kind of been evolving. We haven’t had that chance to sit down, I guess, and say, you know, like, this is what our plans are. But we talk often with them, through social media, and they post pictures of her all the time, which it’s so nice to see her so happy and healthy. It makes us so grateful and thankful to this process. We were just talking about plans for her first birthday party and stuff and how they want to invite us. So, we’re really happy. To be honest, it’s been so it’s been so quick, I don’t think I’ve fully processed it all yet. But I would just tell any birth mom out there just to trust the process, go with your gut feeling and it’ll work out.
Part of the process that I really trust is how much they must be checked out as a family too. I thought it was like a list of people who wanted a baby, and I was kind of scared about who was on that list. But now I know it’s not that scary of a process at all. It’s actually very fulfilling. In the hospital, just seeing their whole family crying, and they were just thanking us. It just turned out so much more positively than I would have ever imagined.
Advocating for adoption
I really appreciate the messages that I get from her adoptive parents saying how thankful they are, and how much we’ve changed their lives.
I actually wish adoption was spoken about more and acknowledged more because I think even when I was speaking with my social worker, a lot of times she’s saying when women are finding out they’re pregnant, it’s either you have the baby and you keep it or abortion, but no one really talks about other options. Even the people in my life, like my family, they had different impressions about it all, and now they are all very supportive and happy that this process exists.
The other part about this that I’ve enjoyed is all the support. There is like, birth mom support group calls and things like that, which I’ve been invited to now. At the beginning, when I heard about it, I was like, oh, I don’t think I’ll need that kind of outreach, but now I’m really enjoying having people to talk to who have been in the same situation as me.
CJ Taylor